Don’t Eat The Marshmallow This Thanksgiving
A 2009 TedU Talk by Joachim de Posada discussed a Stanford University study conducted with a group of four year old children. Each child was given a marshmallow and told that, if she did not eat it, they would be rewarded with a second marshmallow after 15 minutes. When the researchers returned 15 minutes later, three-quarters of the children had, expectedly, eaten their marshmallow. Years later, these children were then contacted again to determine what impact, if any, their self-imposed delayed gratification had on success. As you may have guessed, the children with the ability to resist the urge, plan for the future, and not “run towards squirrels” proved to be more successful adults.
It’s ok to say no
Ever been on a bad date, or at least a date that was “a no for me dawg” kind of date, but the other person didn’t feel the same way? Perhaps it was just good enough — maybe you enjoyed the company, the meal, etc., but didn’t feel that the long-term fit was there. It fit some immediate emotional need, so saying yes to a second date seemed “ok.” So, you went on subsequent dates, had a decent time, but months later realize the fit is even worse than you had anticipated. At the end of several dates, then, you have a harder “no” to deliver.
For those of us who have been in sales, we have all had a customer uber-interested in something that wouldn’t truly meet their needs. Sure, you have quotas to reach, bills to pay, mouths to feed, and an emotional need to win the sale, but is a quick buck the answer? The sustainable practice here is to offer an alternative, or simply say “no.” The no now is much better than a yes and regrets down the road — life is short, sure, but that shouldn’t disallow us to not plan ahead.
The pressure to say “yes” comes from many angles, and a short term yes will likely please your date, your boss, and in the case of Thanksgiving, your friends and loved ones.
No, this doesn’t make you a bad parent/child
My grandfather passed away last week, not COVID-related. Hailing from Iowa, his funeral was (by local regulation) permitted to be as large as deemed necessary. I was expected, then, by my immediate and distant family to bring my household of six to the funeral/pseudo-reunion. Similar to when I told my children they wouldn’t be trick-or-treating two weeks prior, my refusal to risk lives for short-term social benefit(?) was met with questions, challenges, and judgement. Again, it was and is difficult to resist the emotional urge to comply and simply say “no,” but these are difficult times.
If I, or you look back on this period and say “boy I sure was a bit too careful,” I think that will be the right side of memory lane.
Be safe, stay Home
Our collective unwillingness to delay gratification will be facing a fierce battle next week. Despite the fact that, as NY Public Schools shutter their doors again today, we brace for the tip of the 3rd COVID-19 peak, the pressure to visit friends and family next week also draws us towards danger. We must, however, realize that a visit in late November will likely lead to a deadlier December.
Are we willing to pass on the marshmallow, ignore the squirrels and put off our visits until the metrics are better, I hope and pray we are.
Stay Safe,
NL
